Poll: What car would you not drive, even for free?

"shop-teacher" (shop-teacher) 10/04/2014 at 13:40 • Filed to: Free car no, poll

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Some of you all have been fortunate enough to receive a free car at some point in your life. Maybe it was a hand-me down. Maybe your parents bought you your first car. Maybe a neighbor agreed to sign the title over to you, if you agree to get that POS off their property. A friend of mine was recently given an old Jeep Comanche by his landlord, simply for being a good tenant.

I am not among the ranks of free car recipients, and for that I will admit to a twinge of jealousy. I've never had any tolerance for people who complained about their free car, either. BTW, I'm really not talking about anybody here. I've always maintained that any free car is awesome, and you should just shut up and be happy.

But something recently occurred to me. I'm wrong, not every free car is awesome. There is one vehicle I would not drive, even if it was free. The Lumina APV minivan. Now, I don't care for minivans in general, but I don't categorically hate them either. No, I hate the Lumina APV with a fiery passion, for it's pure, unadulterated awfulness.

I've had the displeasure of driving a couple of them. Thankfully, not for especially long, but long enough. Let's start with my main complaint, the driving position. The drivers seat, and the gas pedal are positioned in such awkward relationship to each other, that applying the gas requires bending your foot so far back, you feel like you're about to break your ankle.

Let's move on to the interior. Now, let me just say, I am no interior snob. I drive an '06 Sierra, which has a sea of grey plastic interior, and it's fine with me. The Lumina, however, is leagues worse. The plastic that everything is made of is so thin and brittle, that a good stare will break most of it's bits into pieces. The design of all the moving parts is wholly inadequate.

For some unknown reason, my in-laws purchased one of these brand new in the 90's. Within months, the drivers seat back broke (allowing the seat back to just flop around), the armrests broke off, and the gas door release snapped. These were of coursed fixed several times under warranty, only to break again sometimes days later. Once the warranty expired, a 2x4 was jammed between the driver's seat back, and the seat behind it to prop it up (very safe!), armrests became a distant memory, and getting the the gas car required reaching under the car to pull the door release cable. Oh yeah, and the spare tire carrier rusted away, and dropped the spare to the ground. There was also the fact that in went through alternators in the approximate time it took for the tires to need rotating.

My most recent experience with an APV was five years ago. My wife's aunt had gone into a nursing home, and I drove her '92(?) APV back to my house, to sell it on Craigslist for the family. It looked just like the one in the picture, except it was dark red over silver. It only had 82k miles on it, had every option available on it, and was in excellent condition. It was a terrifying 22 miles home. It was chugging and threatening to die the whole time. My ankle was killing me. The service engine soon light came on and went back off three times. The interior rattled like no other I'd ever experienced. The alternator bearing was howling like crazy. At one point I actually yelled out loud, to nobody else in the car, "No wonder GM went bankrupt! They foisted millions of these pieces of shit onto poor, unsuspecting bastards!!!" I managed to get $800 for it, and I still see it running around occasionally.

So no, I would not drive a Lumina APV, not even for free. What free car would you take a pass on, and why?

Twingo Tamer - About to descend into project car hell. > shop-teacher 10/04/2014 at 13:42

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Anything that has too high running costs, a free car shouldn't be costing more total than buying and running my current car.

bob and john > shop-teacher 10/04/2014 at 13:42

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you know.......I dont think Id say not to anything...as long as it runs and drives, id take it...

ADabOfOppo; Gone Plaid (Instructables Can Be Confusable) > shop-teacher 10/04/2014 at 13:43

7

Free Car is Best Car.

Free Car is Hoon Car.

Luc - The Acadian Oppo > shop-teacher 10/04/2014 at 13:45

8

I got this for free and I'm loving it. I've only used my "good" car twice since I got it.

If the car is mechanically sound there nothing I wouldn't drive for free. If the car will be a mechanical headache & a money pit then that's a different story.

ly2v8-Brian > shop-teacher 10/04/2014 at 13:45

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I'll go with the obvious, the Prius. It's fuckin ugly and the interior is pure shit.

FJ80WaitinForaLSV8 > shop-teacher 10/04/2014 at 13:46

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Gamecat235 > shop-teacher 10/04/2014 at 13:51

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None. There are many I wouldn't keep for long, but I would drive anything if it was my only choice and I needed a vehicle.

Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection > shop-teacher 10/04/2014 at 13:51

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it depends on the situation. If I had zero cars and a free one was offered, I would drive it, no matter how embarrassing it may be.

Racescort666 > Luc - The Acadian Oppo 10/04/2014 at 13:51

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I saw the picture before I read your post and I was gearing up to write an outraged reply about how the 323 is one of the best cheap cars available.

JawKnee > ADabOfOppo; Gone Plaid (Instructables Can Be Confusable) 10/04/2014 at 13:52

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you beat me to it! Free car is hoon car indeed

505Turbeaux > shop-teacher 10/04/2014 at 13:53

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A sundance, on principle. Though I would drive it off road

PRBot II > shop-teacher 10/04/2014 at 14:05

4

The Top Gear cars in Alabama.

The free candy van anywhere.

thisvelologist > shop-teacher 10/04/2014 at 14:06

4

You couldn't get me in this potato with chrome even if you paid me.

Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies > shop-teacher 10/04/2014 at 14:08

1

Any early to mid-2000's Mercedes-Benz. It would quickly become not free.

Roundbadge > shop-teacher 10/04/2014 at 14:10

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We were gifted a Mercury Topaz once. In the 4 months we owned it, it was towed home thrice. After breaking one of the rusty brake lines while attempting to fix it the final time, my gf's father (who had given it to us) said, "We won't be disappointed if you decide to junk it."

We did so.

If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent > shop-teacher 10/04/2014 at 14:13

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The seat back thing happened in my Metro (which btw was simultaneously the best and worst free car ever). The fix was fairly simple. Pull the seat out, and remove the plastic cladding that hides all the metal bits. Cover all the upholstery with wet towels and then weld the hinge upright at the desired angle. Of course you lose all ability to recline but you can still use the seat behind you which is important because a 1996 Geo Metro sedan does not have a middle seat in the rear. It only seats four.

fhrblig > shop-teacher 10/04/2014 at 14:15

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Honestly, there are no cars I would refuse to drive. Especially if it's free. Even a car I hate, like the last generation Corolla. If anyone asks me if I want to drive their car, the answer is always yes. If I were offered a free (running and roadworthy) car I would take it.

unclevanos (Ovaltine Jenkins) > shop-teacher 10/04/2014 at 14:24

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Any midsize or full size sedan with fwd I wouldn't accept, I grew up in a rwd family.

whatisthatsound > shop-teacher 10/04/2014 at 14:47

4

Now if I can remove the nazi propaganda then yes I would rock it. If I had to keep it as is then I'd rather walk.

shop-teacher > PRBot II 10/04/2014 at 14:49

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Good choices!

shop-teacher > FJ80WaitinForaLSV8 10/04/2014 at 14:49

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Oh, good one!

shop-teacher > If only EssExTee could be so grossly incandescent 10/04/2014 at 14:54

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That would be WAY beyond the ability of my in-laws. The van was gone by the time I was around.

shop-teacher > 505Turbeaux 10/04/2014 at 14:55

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Until the trans blew!

shop-teacher > Roundbadge 10/04/2014 at 14:56

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Sounds like a good move.

shop-teacher > bob and john 10/04/2014 at 14:56

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Fair enough.

shop-teacher > Gamecat235 10/04/2014 at 15:00

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Can't argue that. My scenario is more you can have _____ for free, or buy your own. I'd buy my own, rather than drive an APV.

shop-teacher > unclevanos (Ovaltine Jenkins) 10/04/2014 at 15:01

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Harsh! Gotta have principles though.

shop-teacher > Jordan and the Slowrunner, Boomer Intensifies 10/04/2014 at 15:02

1

Yeah, that would be an expensive free car!

shop-teacher > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection 10/04/2014 at 15:04

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I wouldn't be embarrassed by an APV, but I would be miserable!

shop-teacher > Luc - The Acadian Oppo 10/04/2014 at 15:05

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Your car is what got me thinking about free cars.

shop-teacher > ADabOfOppo; Gone Plaid (Instructables Can Be Confusable) 10/04/2014 at 15:09

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Good point! Maybe if someone offered me an APV, I could just beat it into submission?

ranwhenparked > shop-teacher 10/04/2014 at 15:12

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Many. I am perfectly capable of buying a car on my own, so there's no way I'd ever accept a free car I don't want.

Focusing just on Chevrolet,

Beretta, Lumina, Cavalier, Corsica, Cobalt, Aveo, Sonic, Spark, W-body Impalas, Celebrity, Prizm, Volt, HHR, Metro, FWD Monte Carlos, and almost all Malibus would all be automatic refusals.

JEM > shop-teacher 10/04/2014 at 15:18

1

1980's Ford Escort or Chrysler Minivan.

Driven both and they were dangerously underpowered. As in foot-to-the-floor on the gas and still scared getting on a highway.

Iheartmy365kHonda - Car enthusiasts do like FWD > shop-teacher 10/04/2014 at 15:21

2

A Buick Rendezvous. I drove two for a dealership job I had and hated them both. They were comfy, but their interiors and exteriors are terribly ugly!

Kanaric > Luc - The Acadian Oppo 10/04/2014 at 15:48

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I had this generation of protege sedan, was a good car. 323 would of been better. Like those wheels.

45bullets > shop-teacher 10/04/2014 at 15:57

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nissan sunny.

Denver Is Stuck In The 90s > PRBot II 10/04/2014 at 16:11

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I have a friend with 4 young siblings. He wants to get one of these, just to pick up his siblings from school, That would be the ultimate troll.

thebigbossyboss > shop-teacher 10/04/2014 at 17:17

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Bmw. Unless it's suitably old....no fucking thanks. It's kind of wierd but I hate bmws.

jkm7680 > shop-teacher 10/04/2014 at 17:57

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Nissan Stanza Wagon. Yes I said wagon, but not the good kind.

No pictures because I don't want to make you sick.

shop-teacher > jkm7680 10/04/2014 at 18:04

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Ha! Thank you for your consideration.

shop-teacher > thebigbossyboss 10/04/2014 at 18:07

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I actually don't really care for them either, but I'd take a free one.

Luc - The Acadian Oppo > Kanaric 10/04/2014 at 18:44

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Awesome! I picked up the wheels for $100 bones they are from a Miata. The tires for it is what blew the budget I now have about $550 invested in the car. without the wheels and tires I would only have $160 invested.

http://oppositelock.jalopnik.com/project-free-m…

Luc - The Acadian Oppo > shop-teacher 10/04/2014 at 18:50

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SWEET! You better start being real nice to relatives that might be on the verge on replacing their car. Being the car guy that they knew. They had a feeling I would totally fix it up(they were right). Right now the car is in the best shape that it's been in the last 5 years.

When I'm done with it and it's 100% ready to go I plan on selling it to a student or someone who really needs it for essentially only what I have invested in it. So they get a great reliable car for cheap, I got to have fun fixing it up and then I get money to go and pick up the next project. it's a win win for everyone.

Luc - The Acadian Oppo > shop-teacher 10/04/2014 at 18:58

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we had one that my grand father bought brand new in '93 and when he passed away my family got it. we drove it until 2006 it did 160,000km's from when we got it(I think it only had 20,000km's when we first got it). in that 160,000km's it cost us two motors and two transmissions. Good thing a motor in the scrapyard was only $250.00 and the tranny $150.00.

It's the car I learnt to drive on and the first car I was able to take on dates on friday nights. It was a POS but id drive one again just for nostalgia's sake

shop-teacher > Luc - The Acadian Oppo 10/04/2014 at 19:26

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That's a cool way to do it!

None of my relatives drive anything that is old or cheap enough to just give away. I thought about fixing up the aunt's Lumina before selling it ... But I hated it!

biker > shop-teacher 11/02/2014 at 23:30

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well lets see, I own a PriusC, for my wife to drive, as for the Lumina minivan, well I had fixed up an Oldsmobile Silhouette for my wife a spare vehicle & she decded to get something else, so thats when I got her the Prius. I myself like the Olds version, & I was working at the Oldsmobile dealer as a mechanic when they were new.

as for not driving even if free, first car that popped into my mind was a Yugo.